When to call the ped about tantrums
You already know all children have some tantrums. But is there a point where your child is having “too many” tantrums?
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And at what point should you reach out to the pediatrician? Here are some tips.
The bottom line
I have been slightly hesitant to put up a list of reasons to call your pediatrician about this topic, because it is a little vague. Most importantly: if your gut is telling you something is not right, I would rather you listen to that and bring it up with your healthcare provider than not. And I’m sure your pediatrician agrees.
But some general guidelines we use to determine whether tantrums are excessive include:
If your child is having 5-7+ tantrums a day that are prolonged, lasting >15-20mins, and they have trouble recovering
If your child’s mood between tantrums is not their normal mood, or they seem excessively angry, sad, or unable to enjoy things they used to enjoy
If tantrums are becoming more frequent, more intense or last longer - especially if this is a sudden change
If tantrums are becoming increasingly disruptive to normal day-to-day function — for example, at school, or in their social interactions, or if they are affecting the rest of the family’s wellbeing
If your child is excessively aggressive towards themselves, other people or animals
If you are starting to see tantrums in association with other symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches, etc)
Tantrums and mood disorders
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We often see tantrums as a manifestation of mood disorders in children, and that has been more true during the pandemic.
Anxiety, untreated ADHD, depression, sleep issues, or other conditions such as autism and developmental delay can all be reasons for tantrums that are beyond what would be normal.
One more important factor
The other reason to reach out to your child’s doctor (or your own doctor) is if you feel like you are having a very hard time handling your child’s outbursts.
If you are feeling like the behaviors are interfering with your own ability to sleep, regulate your mood, feel happy, or if you feel so frustrated that you worry you might hurt yourself or your child, REACH OUT.
Recognize if you are out of your depth. These feelings do not make you a bad parent, and reaching out if you’ve hit this point actually makes you a good parent. Your ability to help your child hinges on your ability to regulate your own emotions. Put on your own oxygen mask first, always.
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As a parent, you are always learning. And there are times you will feel out of your depth, or as if you don’t have the skills to help your child.
You don’t have to do it alone. Your pediatrician and you are on the same team, and you have the same goal: for your child to thrive.
